The powers that be...

Originally published February 23, 2009



Last week I began to realize that besides homework, almost everything I do that requires large amounts of effort is for something in the future. I'm so extremely future-oriented that sometimes it leaves me feeling like what is it all for right now? I have this driving tunnel vision and often I find myself not participating in my life because I'm always too busy planning it. And if I am not planning something, I am waiting waiting waiting for what I have planned so meticulously to finally come to fruition. I would like to reconcile this and find a bit more balance between what is going on now and what I am planning for in the future.

Right now I am banking on this reconciliation to occur in Brazil. I have been planning this trip for over a year, and I cannot believe that I am finally leaving in less than four weeks! Last week I submitted the first draft of my academic contract to my sponsoring faculty, and now I am waiting for his feedback so that I can submit it to the dean for approval. I am also still waiting for my Brazilian travel visa to arrive, and if it doesn't come this week I am going to begin to worry.

I am also waiting to hear about my graduate school applications. Whether or not I am accepted into a Masters program will determine everything about my future for the next couple of years. It's so difficult to just relax and be patient. If I don't get into a program, I have already started formulating Plans B, C, D and even E. Everything is contingent on one decision that is completely out of my control! I'm sure my fate will be revealed to me shortly, or at least hopefully before I leave for Brazil!

I also have to start thinking about graduation in June. There is a bit of paperwork involved for that, all of which has to get done before I leave in March. Better start planning that too... It never ends.